Is The Loss of Such Intense Ambition Really So Tragic?
I’ve been a bit burnt out lately, I’m not gonna lie.
I haven’t been writing nearly as many articles, going to the gym as many times a week, or really reading any self-help articles at all as of late.
But I don’t think this burnt out, energy saving state I have been in has made me any lesser of a valuable person. I don’t believe that I need to play “catch up” once I’m out of it either.
See, if you met me a year ago, you’d have come upon one of the most motivated, capitalist crazed go-getters out there. One that believed you can truly achieve anything you work hard enough for and it would all be worth it in the end, no matter the sacrifices.
At the same time, you’d have met a person who ever so slightly judged those who spent the majority of their days relaxing at home after working a typical 9–5 job.
A person who believed putting deeper relationships with others on the back burner while intently focusing on the building of monetizable skills was perfectly fine, necessary even, in order to create the “perfect” life.
Fast forward to present day, and while I’m not working a typical 9–5 myself, its not too far off in terms of the success and fulfillment it will bring my life long-term.
I went from putting my all into a sales job where the money potential was nearly infinite, and the people that surrounded me embodied the successful extra ambitious molds perfectly — to a driver role delivering packages working 10 hour shifts for only 3 days a week, just enough to make bills and have a little bit of play money afterwards.
And, to be honest? I’m way happier now than I was before.
You see, the sales job — no matter the amount of money I made and could possibly make in the future — was simply not for me. Even if I could buy whatever I want, retire early, whatever — it would just not be worth it to me in the end.
Because in order to reach this potential, I’d have to put on a mask and be somebody I was not everyday. I’d have to put aside my own morals and convince people to spend their money on things they didn’t need, or switch over to companies that I knew did not have their best interests in mind. I’d have to surround myself with people who’s values did not align with mine, and “dress to impress” everybody else but myself. I’d have to spend hours outside of work honing my sales skills, learning how to be the best at a job I did not enjoy.
Now, I leave work at the door after I clock out. Even during work, while I spend my days going door to door still, I don’t bring anxiety to strangers home life — I bring them the package(s) they’ve been waiting in anticipation for days. Instead of having to listen to however many rejections and rebuttals a day, I listen to podcasts that interest me and the pleasant “thank you”s from happy customers. Instead of feeling pressured to get along with every coworker in order to “network”, I talk to the few whom match my energy when I feel up to doing so.
I spend my free time bonding with my loved ones, and making plans with my few friends who are as quirky and uninterested in impressing the general public as I am. I watch my favorite TV shows or read a spicy fiction book for hours unapologetically, and treat myself to dessert when I’m craving some. I most often dress in outfits that make me happy and comfy, not ones that flaunts a supposed higher social status to others.
Living a lifestyle that barely had room for my bad or lazy days, one which pressured me into becoming the “best” version of myself that just happened to look like every other successful entrepreneurs best version of themselves, is what led me into such a deep burnout.
I don’t regret any of it, however. Going through what I did taught me a lesson or two in the process. I learned that money or status isn’t everything. That I don’t have to “just keep pushing” in order to reach peace and fulfillment. I can have those things now. Without the paid off house and nice clothes, of course — but I’m okay with that.
I still have to work, of course. But I’m okay with that too. What I do right now puts food on the table and a gift in my loved ones hands on a special day. And that’s enough for me. I’m happy.
Still, my path may not be the same for you reading this. Happiness looks different for all of us, and that’s completely normal. Preferable, even, I think. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all exactly the same, right?
As long as you aren’t stepping on others along the way in order to reach your desired destination, I encourage you to take whatever path fulfills YOU the most. Not the one that others expect to fulfill you.
Even if that means walking at a slower pace, wearing cozy Walmart clothes over cute branded outfits while drinking your favorite sugary drink, and taking a nap whenever you feel like it.
You may see another sprint past you, wearing branded workout attire with a kombucha in hand. And that’s great for them, too, if that’s what makes them happy.
And, shoot, no need to only limit yourself to one lifestyle! Some days I spend in bed, and others I swear I’m the most productive alive. And that’s okay too! Better even. Balance is key in the end I believe.
Just remember to not beat yourself down for the lazy days. Lazy weeks even. As long as you’re healthy (or at least taking steps such as seeing a therapist/doctor to ensure said healthiness) then you’re fine. I promise.
Success doesn’t just have one look. For many people it can be different things. It can be in a nice condo with a nuclear family, or it could simply be in an affordable apartment with a good friend. One may envision endless money and opportunities, while another may just enjoy their cat and favorite comfort show to look forward to at home.
Whatever it is, just do what makes you happy — not what you’re told should make you happy. And do so at your pace. Many of us spend so much time worried that we’re behind and who’s ahead of us, that we often forget it is possible to find happiness right where we are.
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” — Lao Tzu
